Hiatus

Apologies for the pause in bloggery. I learnt on Thursday that my father had passed away unexpectedly. I will try to return as soon as possible; the greatest tribute to the dead, surely, is to carry on living, as normal, or as best as possible -- and besides that, it helps to keep your mind off of things and keep sane, but for now I have things to arrange. I preponed my visit to Edinburgh and spent Saturday in that city (instead of the planned Hallowe'en) and haven't slept for something approaching 50 hours. I've also done the traditional mourning things such as binging on cheesecake from Asda and phoning people across the globe. His cat is very confused, also; I may have a new best friend.

Rides a Dread Legion cover art:

The US cover art...


The UK cover art...


The best is the UK art I think -- those US devil/demons aren't that great -- but neither is that fantastic, in my opinion. What's yours?

Wolfblade

Wolfblade
Jennifer Fallon
Orbit Books

711 pages
2004

I apologise for the unconscionable delay in reviewing and posting pieces of any effort to this site -- I have been reading more than ever before in my life, but unfortunately it's all really boring stuff that I had no choice but to read! Wolfblade is a book I've had on my shelf for a little while now, and after that marathon of yawn-fest-material, I needed something epic and meaty, long enough to get lost in, and fun enough to not want to be found...

Wolfblade is the first book in the Wolfblade Trilogy -- itself a prequel to the well-received Demon Child Trilogy. I have little knowledge of that trilogy, and it really isn't necessary to enjoy this book, but apparently in Fallon's native Australia this book was released as book four in the series, not the first in a trilogy of prequels...

Marla, sister to the High Prince, is expected to be little more than a brood mare. She is to be sold off to the king of a neighbouring country to bring a closer alliance -- and lots of money -- between their two countries. Marla isn't too keen on that idea, but she doesn't really have much to do with the choice, either. Except, when she chooses her first slave, she chooses the dwarf Elezaar, an extremely clever diplomat, and her future is changed forever...

As characters go, Marla was a bit too petulant, and slightly annoying, for a portion of the book, too much a naïf, but as the book progressed she matured -- and I have also have a suspicion that the Marla of the future (or past...) trilogy isn't very much like this at all, and is used to emphasise how far on she will come, with the help of Elezaar and others.

There's a fair bit of magic in the story, from a race called the Harshini (who are capable of speaking to the gods, and do not practice violence -- not good in a human world that wants to set fire to them on bonfires) to actual wizards themselves, who are now very rare. The amazingly powerful prodigy in this case is Wrayan Lightfinger, a former street pick-pocket, who has long been apprenticed to the master, Kagan who pretty much runs the country ... and doesn't have a magical bone in his body...

I was surprised by how entertaining and funny Wolfblade was -- dialogue in particular between Wrayan and his master was often quite witty, as were the scenes with Brak (a Harshini/human half-breed, capable of immense magic and violence, from both parents respectively).

Being an epic fantasy type of novel, Wolfblade has its fair share of blood and violence and inter-family strife -- one particular part of the novel, where a character is getting slightly over-paranoid and then goes on a familial killing spree, was almost farcical (in a mostly good way, honestly there is one): it was predictable -- and for me, strange person that I am, ever so slightly funny -- but no less disturbing for that fact. There are also typical mistakes where oops, we've gone and killed your family member! events occur, but for all of that -- and I only mock books I like -- I was really pleasantly surprised by Wolfblade and spent over 700 pages being severely entertained. Coming to the series slightly late means that I can go straight away to the next five books!

For more information:

Amazon UK
Amazon US

New John Jarrold Clinet: Ian Whates

The latest client of the John Jarrold Literary Agency is UK author and editor Ian Whates.

In the mid-1980s, Ian started submitting stories to science fiction and fantasy magazines, several of which appeared in small press publications Dream and New Moon Quarterly. The second to be published, “Take Two”, was subsequently nominated for the British Fantasy Award.

Nearly two decades later, he determined to make a more resolute attempt to fulfil his ambitions as an author and, in August 2004, joined the Northampton SF Writers Group, chaired by Ian Watson. He has since become the vice chairman of the group. That same year he attended his first SF convention, Novacon, and was instantly smitten.

He sold 25 stories to a variety of venues over the next two years, including two to the science journal Nature, one of which was included in Tor Books’ ‘Best of’ anthology Futures from Nature.

In 2006, Ian also established small press publisher NewCon Press, commissioning, editing and releasing anthologies of original stories from some of the UK’s best writers of speculative fiction. The first such, Time Pieces, boasted a cover by Hollywood conceptual artist Chris Baker, which won the BSFA Award for best artwork. Sarah Singleton’s story from that book, “The Disappeared”, was shortlisted for the British Fantasy Award.

Two stories from 2007’s anthology, disLOCATIONS, were shortlisted for the BSFA Award (Chaz Brenchley's and Ken MacLeod's) which, Ken's won. Two were included in Gardner Dozois' latest Year's Best anthology (Ken MacLeod's and Brian Stableford's) and one (Pat Cadigan's) made the Locus recommended reading list as one of the best shorts of 2007. The book’s cover, by Andy Bigwood, again won the BSFA for best artwork.

Ian’s story “One Night in London” was nominated for the BSFA Award in 2008, while another, “The Gift of Joy”, went one better and appeared on the five-strong shortlist. It eventually lost out to Ken MacLeod’s “Lighting Out” from one of Ian’s own anthologies. Ian’s story “Knowing How to Look” has also been nominated for the British Fantasy Award.

Easter 2008 saw Ian simultaneously release two new anthologies: Celebration, commemorating 50 years of the British Science Fiction Association and Myth-Understandings, a book themed on communication which showcases women authors. A fifth anthology, Subterfuge, will be launched this October during Newcon 4, and several other projects are in the pipeline.

Ian is a member of the Society of Authors and is currently a director of both the Science Fiction Writers of America (SFWA) and the BSFA, for whom he edits the news and media webzine Matrix. He has recently been commissioned by Robinsons to compile and co-edit (with Ian Watson) a new anthology in their ongoing Mammoth Book of... series – The Mammoth Book of Alternative History Stories.

Ian lives in an idyllic Cambridgeshire village with his long-suffering partner, Helen, along with a manic cocker spaniel and a tailless black cat. He has recently completed his début novel, an urban fantasy with hefty steampunk and SF overtones entitled City of Dreams and Nightmare, and he is currently busy organising the SF convention NewCon 4.

‘Ian is a ball of energy,’ said John Jarrold. ‘He’s also a very good writer, with ideas leaping from every orifice. Welcome aboard, Ian!’ Contact John Jarrold for further information, by e-mail at j.jarrold@btinternet.com or by phone on 01522 510544.

September 15th.

This man sounds good! :) Forgive me the erratic emboldening -- I type this with very little time left on somebody else's wifi connection, hurtling through the countryside...

Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator...

Yes, a bit of Sunday silliness, while I finish reading a few books, and getting my thoughts down on others:

The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator! I've tried to stay out of American politics (except for the part where I was temporarily running for the Presidency according to some misguided US news stations), but I did find this quite funny:

Chris, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Froth Moonshine Palin

I think you can guess why I changed my name to "Chris" and moved to another country! :) My full name is Christopher, though, so...

Christopher, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Beans Harpoon Palin

I actually don't mind Sarah Palin's children's names too much, actually. Bristol, Willow, and Piper, are all quite nice names, if a bit Charmed or Buffy-esque. Not so sure about Track -- because Palin likes running -- or Trig..

Winners! & How to Beautify an Orc...

I ran quite a few contests last month (and don't worry, I have some more for this month, too!) and, later than I planned, I'm announcing the winners...

Feast of Souls by Celia Friedman, by kind courtesy of Orbit Books! Winners:


John Misiak, New York, USA

Riya Puttanna, Warwickshire, UK

The Steel Remains by Richard Morgan, by kind courtesy of Gollancz Books! Winner:

C. Pawley-Kean, Bracknell, UK

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, by kind courtesy of me! Winner:

Icaro Lacenco, Calais, France

The Tower of Shadows by Drew Bowling (signed), courtesy of the author! Winners:

Peter Cave, Bathgate, UK

Lucy Webb, Woolery, Australia

Imogen Dailee, Quebec, Canada

I'm sure there were more contests than that!? Apparently not... What books would you like to see me giveaway? That might be a dangerous question...

Over at the Orbit blog, there's a fun post where they talk about ugly orcs, in anticipation of Stan Niccol's US release, Orcs --

Walter’s visage has proven too ugly even for some of the genre’s most prominent critics. Jeff VanderMeer (who, let’s be honest, must have seen an awful lot of ugly covers in his years as an SFF critic) eventually decided he had to pretty up the orc.

Jeff writes:

“Just look at what a few randomly applied stars, flowers, smiley-faces, and the like can do to make a cover more humane! In fact, maybe Orbit should even run a “Beautify Your Orcs” contest. I bet readers would get a kick out of that.”

So inspired by Jeff’s suggestion, we’re asking you to beautify Walter. Here’s a link to a jpg image of the cover - Photoshop it, print it out and draw on it, scribble on it in MS Paint - then post the result to your blog or send us a copy of the image. To sweeten the deal we’ll send a copy of Orcs to the first five people to email their image to orbit@hbgusa.com .

Check out the blog for full details!

I'm now off to figure out why my fire alarm is bleeking at me ... it's not like I made some toast and it's burnt or... uh-oh...

Carol Ann Duffy: Censored?

I was surprised to learn today that one of my favourite modern English poets, Carol Ann Duffy, has had one of her poems (not my favourite, but a good one) censored from an anthology for students taking GCSE English Literature. She's a very popular poet, and is tipped to be the next Poet Laureate. (Duffy has in fact responded, and I didn't notice 'til after this post, to one of the external examiners who wanted the poem removed ... with a poem!) The poem in question, Education for Leisure, concerns knife crime, and is accompanied in the anthology by a picture of a large kitchen knife:

Today I am going to kill something. Anything.
I have had enough of being ignored and today
I am going to play God. It is an ordinary day,
a sort of grey with boredom stirring in the streets.

I squash a fly against the window with my thumb.
We did that at school. Shakespeare. It was in
another language and now the fly is in another language.
I breathe out talent on the glass to write my name.

I am a genius. I could be anything at all, with half
the chance. But today I am going to change the world.
Something’s world. The cat avoids me. The cat
knows I am a genius, and has hidden itself.

I pour the goldfish down the bog. I pull the chain.
I see that it is good. The budgie is panicking.
Once a fortnight, I walk the two miles into town
for signing on. They don’t appreciate my autograph.

There is nothing left to kill. I dial the radio
and tell the man he’s talking to a superstar.
He cuts me off. I get our bread-knife and go out.
The pavements glitter suddenly. I touch your arm.

From the Guardian article about it:

Britain's biggest exam board has been accused of censorship after it removed a poem containing references to knife crime from the GCSE syllabus.

Officials at the AQA board said their request that schools destroy the anthology containing the Carol Ann Duffy poem Education for Leisure had been triggered by concerns in two schools about references to knives. A spokeswoman confirmed the decision had been made in the context of the current spate of knife-related murders.

But poets yesterday condemned the move, saying such "censorship" fundamentally missed the point of the poem, which they said could help children debate the causes of street violence.

Duffy, widely considered a front-runner to be the next poet laureate, yesterday declined to comment. But her literary agent, Peter Strauss, said: "It's a pro-education, anti-violence poem written in the mid-1980s when Thatcher was in power and there were rising social problems and crime. It was written as a plea for education. How, 20 years later, it had been turned on itself and presented to mean the opposite I don't know. You can't say that it celebrates knife crime. What it does is the opposite."

Michael Rosen, the children's laureate, said: "By this same logic we would be banning Romeo and Juliet. That's about a group of sexually attractive males strutting round the streets, getting off with girls and stabbing each other.

"Carol Ann is an easy target because she's a modern poet." He added: "Of course we want children to be talking about knife crime and poems like these are a terrific way of helping that happen. Blanket condemnation and censorship of something never works."

--

The fear seems to be that impressionable young students, overpowered by the force of Duffy's metre, will rush out and stab their classmates. I didn't mean to. Carol Ann Duffy made me do it. I very much doubt that the first time 15-17 year olds come across the concept of knife crime will be in a poem in a classroom!

What's more, "destroying" the anthologies? Are they really that dangerous? Considering the poem has been in the anthology since 2005, and there has been no Duffy-related murders, I'd say not! It is censorship, and it is wrong. Fair enough had they chosen for whatever reason not to include the poem in the first place, three years ago. But this is a very well respected poet, and this poem has been used in countless exams, amongst her others, as one of the best poems of recent years. To take it out, and take all that back, because it happens to have a potential knife murderer in it seems a bit false. Particularly as there are many "worse" (if you want to take that attitude) poems of hers (and Simon Armitage's) in the edition.

Still, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts :) Do you like the poem? Is the topic not appropriate for a classroom? Should it have been removed?

I'll leave with another of Duffy's poems, one of my favourites. It's a very clever poem, very romantic, and quite erotic...

Anne Hathaway
'Item I gyve unto my wife my second best bed...'
(from Shakespeare's will)

The bed we loved in was a spinning world
of forests, castles, torchlight, clifftops, seas
where he would dive for pearls. My lover's words
were shooting stars which fell to earth as kisses
on these lips; my body now a softer rhyme
to his, now echo, assonance; his touch
a verb dancing in the centre of a noun.
Some nights, I dreamed he'd written me, the bed
a page beneath his writer's hands. Romance
and drama played by touch, by scent, by taste.
In the other bed, the best, our guests dozed on,
dribbling their prose. My living laughing love --
I hold him in the casket of my widow's head
as he held me upon that next best bed.


Back tomorrow :) Reviewing and announcing contest winners...

Edited to add: A very good opinion piece, again in the Guardian, talking about poetry, and Duffy in particular in relation to what has happened.

News: Latest Stephen Hunt novel!

HarperCollins Voyager releases details of Stephen Hunt's third novel: The Rise of the Iron Moon

First glimpse of The Rise of the Iron Moon's hardback cover design and plot synopsis revealed; plus, paperback release date for second novel, The Kingdom Beyond the Waves, advanced to September 1st 2008 to meet trade demand for mass-market edition.

London, 5th September 2008 - The cover design and synopsis for the third book from fantasy and science fiction novelist Stephen Hunt set in his best-selling Jackelian world sequence has now been released by HarperCollins Voyager.

Entitled 'The Rise of the Iron Moon', Stephen Hunt's next novel features the invasion of the Kingdom by an enemy that everyone at first mistakes for a particularly successful horde of polar barbarians ... the Army of Shadows. To their ever-lasting regret, the peace-loving Jackelian people soon find that their terrible foe is far more dangerous, cunning and ancient than a mere nomad incursion. To defeat them, the Kingdom and their steammen allies must look beyond their borders and make common cause with the wicked republic of the Commonshare, but even the armies of all three nations combined might not be enough to defeat this new evil ...

Hunt's third book features the return of Molly, Oliver, Commodore Black and the steamman scientist Coppertracks, as they find that the key to beating the Army of Shadows resides with an escaped prisoner from the Royal Breeding House who doesn't even possess her own pair of shoes.

Speaking about The Rise of the Iron Moon, Stephen Hunt said, "This is the third of six adventure books set in my Jackelian world, and like the previous two works - 'The Court of the Air' and 'The Kingdom Beyond the Waves' - it's a stand-alone novel with a self-contained plot, albeit with some very familiar faces making their return. It was incredibly great fun to write, and it answers some of the questions and mysteries that many fans of the first two works have been writing to me about."

Available in the UK, Canada and Australia from HarperCollins Voyager and the US from Tor Books, Stephen Hunt's best-selling Jackelian world novels have been translated into German, French, Japanese, Russian, Spanish and Portuguese.

The publication date for both novels have also now been moved forward to meet trade demand - with the paperback edition of 'The Kingdom Beyond the Waves' pushed forward to an immediate release (September 1st 2008), and the hardback edition of 'The Rise of the Iron Moon' taken forward two months to February 2009.

Synopsis: The Rise of the Iron Moon (Hardback)

How can one plucky orphan girl save the world from destruction? Born into captivity as a product of the Royal Breeding House, lonely orphan Purity Drake suddenly finds herself on the run with a foreign vagrant after accidentally killing one of her guards. Her mysterious rescuer claims to have escaped from terrible forces who mean to enslave the Kingdom of Jackals, just as they conquered his own nation. Purity doubts his story, until reports begin to filter through from Jackals' neighbours of the murderous Army of Shadows, marching across the continent and sweeping all before them.

But there's more to Purity Drake than meets the eye. And as Jackals girds itself for war against an army of near-indestructible beasts serving an ancient evil with a terrible secret, it soon becomes clear that the Kingdom's only hope is a strange little orphan girl and the last, desperate plan of an escaped slave from a land, far, far away...

UK £17.99 Hardback: Release Date (UK) 1st February 2009. ISBN: 978-0-00-723222-2

Praise for Stephen Hunt's novels

"An inventive, ambitious work, full of wonders and marvels." - Lisa Tuttle, The Times

"A ripping yarn... the story pounds along ... great fun." - SFX

"Wonderfully assured... Hunt knows what his audience like and gives it to them with a sardonic wit and carefully developed tension." - Time Out

About the Author

The author of three fantasy/SF novels for HarperCollins, Canadian-born Stephen Hunt is currently living in Spain with his family while working on an artificial intelligence project. More on his work can be found on his author's web site, www.StephenHunt.net

Promise of the Wolves

Promise of the Wolves
Dorothy Hearts
Simon & Schuster

297 pages
July 2008

I remember hearing, a while back, about a series of books called something like The Cave Bear Clan Series or the Cave Bears Fight Back in Clan-like Formation Series, or something similar, but never got around to reading them. It looks like I might have to now, because Promise of the Wolves, as the back cover says, is in the same tradition as those books, and Promise of the Wolves happens to be really quite good!

The début novel of Dorothy Hearst, a former editor at a large American publishing company, the first in a trilogy, is set fourteen thousand years ago in Southern Europe (where, actually, in reality also, that area was enjoying a brief, and very sudden, warmer climate; a so-called 'Dansgaard-Oeschger event'), and is filled with a menagerie of creatures from that time, of which, the wolves have the most prominence. Alongside the wolves are mammoths, elkryn, "long-tooths", and a few things which have survived until today: particularly amusing and cheeky ravens, for example.

The Promise, of the title, is very simple for the wolves, but very hard to obey. (Never consort with humans. Never kill a human unprovoked. Never allow a mixed-blood wolf to live.) Particularly for a young she-wolf, Kaala. Her very existence breaks the last part of the promise, and she only lives because the Greatwolves intervened ... something that the elders of her clan will hold against her forever. When she rescues a human child from drowning, she unwittingly begins a process that will uncover the truths and lies behind the Promise, and threaten the existence of everything...

Promise of the Wolves is beautifully written, with clear, elegant prose, and despite some violence and death, will easily appeal to younger readers and adults alike. The anthropomorphism of the animals is done extremely well, particularly in the case of the protagonist, Kaala, and her friends, and you get a very definite idea of their characters without it every being silly, as it could easily have been. Many a time I had to remind myself that these were wolves not humans, so natural did their actions seem. Of course, Promise of the Wolves isn't just about animals that can think and talk -- it has more typically fantastical elements such as spirit worlds and guides, prophecies, perhaps even gods, and some of the humans can also talk to the animals, too.

Promise of the Wolves is apparently based on“a scientific theory that wolves, and later dogs, made humans the dominant species by teaching us to hunt cooperatively, hold territories, and form complex societies.” Promise of the Wolves is focussed more on telling an excellent story than expounding on the scientific theory, but it's an interesting theory, nonetheless. I'm not sure I completely agree with the full scale of what is being suggested, however. (On my pet steed, Tangent, again:) There is, though, an interesting theory about why dogs are able to read the facial "expressions" of humans better than wolves are (which dogs, after all, are; only domesticated): as a consequence of our mutualistic evolution over many generations, and as dogs were selected for propensity to tameness, we ourselves "evolved down a parallel road of domestication after the Agricultural Revolution, towards our own version of tameness and associated by-product traits" (Dawkins, The Ancestor's Tale, 2004, pg. 31).

I've never had a dog, but I've always wanted some kind of loveable wolf half-breed like you always hear that Americans often own, and one of my favourite characters in another of my favourite series, Robin Hobb's Farseer Trilogy, is the wolf. So, to be punny, I wolfed down Promise of the Wolves, in one sitting, and despite some overly-familiar fantasy elements, really enjoyed it! :) The sequel, Journey of the Wolves, will be released in July 2009, with the concluding volume of the trilogy, Spirit of the Wolves, expected in July 2010. Absolutely recommended.

For more information:

Amazon UK
Amazon US

--Previous review--

Ramble: Swearing in Fantasy, and Out

There was a discussion, a while back, which I'm not going to go over, about swearing in fantasy. I found the discussion very interesting, but didn't really comment ... and I'm not going to now. I just found the guidelines for the use of swearing in one channel's guidelines, and thought it might be of general interest to some of you :)

This is a selection of words from one channel's guidelines:

bastard: definitely not before 8pm; justified moderate use post 8pm

bloody: fine any time

bugger: if used as in "silly old bugger", OK anytime; if used with intent -- not before 8pm

c*nt: post 10pm; only in exceptional circumstances

f*ck: post 9pm

God: fine, but be careful of context/causing offence

n*gger: not at all -- must refer up [to senior management]

pissed off: 6pm onwards

shag: not before 9pm

sh*t: 6pm onwards -- moderate use

sodding: probably fine at any time

spastic: not at all; must refer up

tw*t: not before 9pm

whore: not before 8pm

yid: only if editorially justified

I find this list very interesting; it shows how different opinions on a subject such as swearing can be. There are words on this list that I would barely consider swear-words at all. Hence my not asterisking out the apparently insulting vowels. The only reason I have censored the full spelling of some of those words is in craven fear of losing favour with the search engines; with a blog that specialises in "fantasy", perhaps uncut use of expletives be unwise! Particularly words that relate to areas of the female anatomy (which, for some reason, seems to make the word all the more offensive... Why should the colloquial term for an area of the female anatomy be deemed, by some (presumably male?), to be the most offensive word in the English language? Who does it offend, and why does it offend so?).

In general, though, I find the practice of hiding certain letters (normally a vowel) in a swear word quite pointless. I know why it's done: it's done not to offend people, and fair enough. But why would removing one letter (which does not, presumably, impair the reader's understanding of the meaning of the word) make it any less offensive, if the person is so inclined to find the word offensive in the first place?

Hiding the "u" in the word c*nt, does not change it's meaning. Or does it? It does make the swearing more indirect, I suppose.* Just as in comedies, extra bleeps were/are inserted for comedic effect -- the impression of swearing, and perhaps the listener/watcher imagining the words, made it funny: had there been actual full-on "c*nt"s and "sh*t"s being (metaphorically) thrown about, would it have been as funny? Probably not.

*Or maybe it just signifies that the word is taboo. If it is true that we do mainly read the first couple, and the last couple, of letters of a word, however, being as the offending vowel is often in the middle of the expletive, we probably don't even notice the asterisk (or the pernicious vowel) at all!

Then, there are words on the list, such as "sh*t", that I was very surprised (but not offended, I think) to see as fairly acceptable on that list. Sh*t: 6pm onwards! I expect, perhaps in different parts of the country (my UK) or the world, that some people will find the use of sh*t at that time of evening, on television, perfectly fine, but, due to the environment in which I was brought up, that fact still surprises me.

Yid:

And is "spastic" swearing, or is just an offensive term you can call somebody? Is there a difference? I don't asterisk "spastic" (though I, of course, dislike the pejorative, rather than medical, sense in which some use it) -- does that make it not a swear word?

And what does "yid" mean!? It doesn't sound like it could be that insulting.

I find over-use (and only the over-use, not the use) of swearing in literature as annoying as the next person. I do, though, think there should always be the right for the author to use those words within his work -- certain readers may not like it, but, unlike television, it should always be allowed... Perhaps, even "allowed" was the wrong word, since that suggests permission, and censorship, and one of the joys of literature is that it is (relatively) free of this.

So, um, yeah. I'm not really sure what I meant by the blather after that extract from the channel's guidelines, but I have to fill my days somehow, eh? :P

Guest Post: Jennifer Rardin

So, a Dwarf, a Paladin and an Elf go into this Bar . . .

Humour in fantasy:

Admit it. You’ve never picked up a book whose cover depicted a sword-wielding warrior battling a three-headed dragon and thought, Cool! I’ll bet this puppy’s chock fulla laughs! My covers, which feature a lovely lady assassin surrounded by drops of blood, don’t have ‘em rolling in the aisles either. But some of the stunts her buddies pull do. (Who’s not going to laugh at a couple of Agency aces taking time out of their busy schedules to go camel-tipping in Tehran? I know I thought it was hilarious.)

So why do authors like Weis & Hickman sprinkle their plots with dudes like Tasslehoff, who are always stumbling into situations that crack us up? Is there a true purpose to them that couldn’t be improved upon by sober, upstanding characters? I mean, yeah, I do sometimes ask myself, “Wouldn’t my stories be better, from a literary standpoint, without guys like Cole Bemont yukking it up with their ridiculous T-shirt slogans and text messages?”

Do you know what my answer invariably turns out to be?

“Nope.”

Because the best tales have intense, hitch-up-yer-bloomers-Martha-the world’s-about-to-end, conflict. And well written yarns of this type will suck readers in so deeply that they’ll vicariously experience their favorite characters’ anguish, exhaustion, fear, confusion and despair as they work their way through each seemingly insurmountable challenge.

From my point of view, that’s a lot to ask of someone who’s already had to spend the whole day teaching demon first-graders how to behave like human beings, and then come home to a house full of dirty dishes, unpaid bills, and mouldy bread. Yeah, readers willingly put themselves through the pain. But what if writers gave them a break every once in a while? Just a page or two where they could breathe in, smile, and exhale a relieved little chuckle.

It’s like the author’s said, “You’ve stuck with me this far, here’s your reward. Just a little pause in the action so you can regain your equilibrium. During which I’m also reminding you that even in your life when events start to spiral out of control, laughter can help you pull it all back together again. By the way, thumbs up on that new convertible. It looks totally boss parked next to your kid’s mini-van.”

I’m encouraged that fantasy has embraced a bit of humour, but considering how dark the stories trend, I’d love to see more. I’m not sure it’ll ever catch on, though. Like Internet porn, it has its shameful side. Ask any of my old professors. (Not about the porn. We are trying to keep it PG here, people.)

“Humor?” they’d say. “Tut-tut. Leave that where it belongs, in cartoons and lowbrow forms of theater such as the little known vaudeville (why else do you think it’s extinct?) and the better known comedy club. If you want to write a classic, depress the hell out of people.” Yeah, that’ll definitely guarantee that co-eds are slogging through your slush three hundred years after you’re dead. (Most likely of suicide. Though it’s possible you may have bored yourself into corpsedom. I hear that’s what happened to Melville.)

Just imagine what fantasy writers could leave behind, however, if they did take that divergent road. Yup, the one Robert Frost was talking about. Although he didn’t tell you it merged into a goofy superhighway paved with whoopee cushions and fake dog poo. Where’s the fun without the surprise? Besides, neither of us is sure it has an ultimate destination. It may stop short in the middle like that road in the movie Speed. Never fear, fantasy gurus, we’re certain you can jump that bus.

“What the hell are you even talking about now? I’m not a damn chauffer!” you authors scream just before beating your heads against the brick wall you usually save for curing writer’s block.

“Oh, that,” I answer, nodding my head wisely as if I really know what I’m talking about. “Look, all I’m saying is lighten up, dudes. You might find that your readers relate better if you insert some hee-haws into the action. Laughter’s universal, you know. In fact, I’m pretty sure when space aliens finally lower themselves to talk to us, our first communication will be through the knock-knock joke. Plus humor makes the reading more fun. And, don’t look now, but entertainment is kind of what we do here.”

I guess my point is that laughter is essential. Like water, shelter, and movie butter popcorn. And the more dire events become, the higher a priority humor should get. Yeah, yeah, this is just my opinion and you’ll read or write whatever moves your groove. Which is fine. All I’m saying is that, if I ever create an apocalyptic fantasy, my end-of-times players will be running around in clown suits and Groucho Marx glasses, laughing like hyenas at one another’s antics. When they’re not having I’m-going-to-be-dead-tomorrow sex, of course. But that’s a completely different blog!

Jennifer Rardin is the author of the Jaz Parks series, featuring Once Bitten, Twice Shy; Another One Bites the Dust; Biting the Bullet; and the newly released Bitten to Death. All funny stories can be posted to her website at www.jenniferrardin.com. Jokes work well on her MySpace page at www.myspace.com/jenniferrardin. Sight gags should be uploaded to her Facebook fan page at www.facebook.com/pages/Jennifer-Rardin/19356585468. And yeah, if you get in touch she’s likely to respond with a LOL!